Changing your perception is key in your relationships
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
I experienced today several moments where people reacted in a disproportionate way to words from other people. Indeed, this fact translates in stress, tensions between people and negativity overall.
WHAT CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM?
I have discovered a theory that we all need to integrate in our daily relationships : perception.
We all have different lenses and will respond based on our culture, values, past experiences, moods and feelings. Often, we construe people words through our own reality, we read their phrases instead of just listening. Everyday we react following assumptions or expectations we have created in our mind.
As an example, I am unhappy and annoyed when my boyfriend do not put his coat where I expect it to be. Actually I assume my parents knows me. They will be kind with me even if I am old enough not to need cuddling and support from them anymore. Therefore I will accumulate negative feelings instead of acting as I would need or want. Putting my boyfriend’s coat in the cupboard and hugging my parents.
WHY IT IS IMPORTANT?
If you take time to observe people around you, you will see that we all have different lenses, we all have a set of filters to see the world and experience it. We all know the expression : to see the glass half full or half empty. Of course, we all know that there is positive way to look at the environment. What is actually more important is to look at our own perception, to stop before reacting to our environment.
WHAT WILL CHANGE?
Just a few seconds will avoid you to give a bad look, be aggressive or negative, stopping will avoid you to react and slowly you will learn to let it go. Because everyone act based on a different background, based on their good or bad night sleep, … I have experienced that love and breathing usually are the best answers to anything that happened around me. Relationships are more important than being right or wrong. A smile never hurts and silence can save painful moments that will only brings negativity in your day.
Mark Gordon, relationship development specialist, helping individuals, families and organizations, has written a complete article on the subject. If you want to deep dive in the concept of « Perception, Assumption and expectation » http://www.markgordon.ca/three-relationship-killers-perception-assumption-and-expectation/
Sometimes instead of just having a conversation with my own lenses – Red/Blue from Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI) I can develop in a separate post. I put on my « heart glasses » which help me to see everything with compassion and love.
Trying to be closer to my heart than my head helped me strenghten my relationships with my family, friends and colleagues.
I hope you will tell me that this article helped you in your daily relationships at work or with your family as it did for me.
Let me know in the comments below.
∞ em live love ∞