Do you ever think “I’m not enough…”?
Or maybe do you recognize yourself in the following situations:
-I would like to do certain activities but I do not dare
-I am always seeking to be recognized by others
-I often compare myself
-I often under-value myself and my work
-I am dreaming of a project but never start – If this is the case, start by reading my other post here. You will find tips to avoid the bad habit of proscratination.
Let’s be honest, if I don’t say it so often, I can still find myself in this trap of under-value myself… Self-esteem build up by an every day feed, according to me.
So if you doubt yourself and your skills, know that I’ve been there, and I have had periods when everything seemed to be out of reach.
So will you tell me how to have self-confidence?
I will give you my advice and it will seem probably too simple, but as I say it is an everyday job to build the strength of the confidence muscle.
So I suggest we start now by answering the following questions:
Have you already wondered who do you consider super confident? It may be this girl at the office who has had a promotion and who is therefore “successful”, or this other women who has had the courage to launch her project : “she did it”. We often associate self-confidence with success and the fact that nothing can disturb these people. The people we define as confident are often the ones who set goals and put everything in place to reach them. They are also those people who know how to handle difficult times and simply know how to appreciate the good ones.
Self-confidence is to accept to fail, to be challenged, to have bad days and not to have immediate return of our efforts but also at the same time to enjoy at 100% when things are going well!
Question Number one: What defines you?
Making a list of your strengths and weaknesses
Trust is a belief that is based on knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses. This may seem easy but not for everyone. In addition to knowing you, it is important to accept yourself, your qualities and faults and know how to cope with them on a daily basis.
Self-confidence requires an objective analysis of its qualities and flaws.
Ask a friend (not too close preferably) to help you.
Write your story : what makes you a unique being? Tell this story several times and become aware of what you have experienced, of what you have more or less succeeded, of what you became today. The more you own your story, the more you will be able to make decisions easily. You will also have less need to justify yourself, you will know who you are.
A point to specify: List your qualities of being and the one of having. You’re shy, but you have friends you can count on. You’re organized but You have trouble starting an activity. Differentiate these two concepts by reminding you that what we do defines who we are but that we are not entirely what we do. We evolve at every moment in the being. This is an exercise that needs to be done regularly, I would say every 3 months depending on your activity.
Question # 2: What do you like to do?
Your desires/projects will sooner or later arise things that you will like less or that scare you… You have to be prepared to spend those moments. What you love the most will motivate you to manage the more ungrateful part of your journey. The kitchen cooks know it, there’s going to be a lot of dishes to wash but the pleasure of cooking and making incredible recipes motivate them. Learn to see at the same time half-empty glass and half-full glass.
Putting a priority on activities that do us good is paramount for our morale and for our relationship to others, I feel better and I am more available with my daughter when I have done my sport, that the house is tidy and that I can be 100% with her. Being aware of what we like to do also helps us to give priority to what matters.
When you feel less confident, also find activities with “instant effect” like a playlist or song for “Mood Boost”, a fragrance “that makes you forget everything”, a snack that pumps you and when a difficulty arises, it will be your batteries backup and your weapons in the face of difficulties.
Question Number 3: When are you feeling well?
Feeling good is the starting point of self-confidence. When you feel good in your body and in your mind, you have a greater chance of self-confidence. For this, I offer several little tricks:
Sometimes we seek to be legitimate towards the world, we try to follow “rules” or to be consistent with what is defined as “normal”. There are a lot of situations where you don’t consider yourself “good” enough, and that’s because you’re comparing yourself. Comparing is a form of separation. You judge someone good or bad, more or less this or that… In other words, you interpret the glass half empty or half full. When you compare yourself:
- You create a gap between you and the other
- You make a statement based on your perception of the world and your often limiting beliefs
- You are in your head and you are creating a story
Start paying attention to your thoughts and try less, or even not judging. We make assumptions, we think about why and how. Try little by little to be aware of any thought that appears, you will soon realize that we are judging so many things around us. Instead of this approach of judgement and separation, replace good or evil by listening and pause.
Indeed, you will soon realize that all these thoughts take a lot of your energy. Listen to the signs of your body and slow down. Meditation is recommended for this reason, it is a great tool to take a step back on what is happening and lessen the noise of our incessant thoughts.
Start with more breaks. Taking the time to reflect on the above points is a first step.
On a daily basis, think about what’s going on, detach your thoughts, put down your ideas, listen to how you feel. Get in touch with your feelings and emotions. I recommend activities like yoga, meditation, walking in nature, dancing as examples.
Being aware of what is happening in me has helped me a lot. I slowed down and managed to less react, reacting to a situation often translated into anger or cries. It has served me in my work, in my role as a mother, even with my parents…
After slowing down, you have to get into action.
Creating is a great way to know what you can do and what you like to do. It forces us to stop daydreaming in front of Instagram or TV series… And yes, the Internet and social media do not count in creative activities.
Creating can be cooking, drawing, walking, learning a new language, making photos..
These few tips are for me the key points to build self-confidence. This may seem simple but it takes time for introspection and pauses too. Each step will require you to readjust your qualities and values. You might not change completely but your priorities will.
To go further:
Some books that will help you in your personal development:
Https://www.amazon.fr/Thought-Was-Just-but-isnt/dp/1592403352/ref=sr_1_5?s=english-books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528650549&sr=1-5&keywords=brene+brown https://www.amazon.fr/ How-to-friends-Dale-Carnegie/dp/2253009105/ref = sr_1_1? ie = UTF8 & qid = 1528650991 & sr = 8-1 & keywords = dale + carnegie Https://www.amazon.fr/pouvoir-moment-présent-déveil-spirituel/dp/2290020206/ref=pd_sim_14_4?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 & RefRID = BC78BY05PFBJGJAYTJYM Https://www.amazon.fr/quatre-accords-toltèques-liberté-personnelle/dp/2889116549/ref=sr_1_8?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528656099&sr=1-8&keywords=confiance+en+soir