ParentingParenting is something that raises a lot of conflicts with others and within you. How do you want to raise your child is something that you can have clear on paper but never really roll out as expected. Are you a cool parent? Are you leaving your kid run the show at home?
Why we are doing what we are doing?Your background is your bottom line. In my case, I have been raised under my father authority. The rules were clear and no one outside of my father could take a different path than the one he had decided us to take. Therefore, I have been the strong and the authority since my daughter is born. And I have been struggling a lot with the authority I have with Emma. I have been tough and very strict with her. I reacted based on my own experience.
Which mother are you?Start by asking you "How would you want your kid to be raised?". It is a good start to establish clear frame on the rules your will or not put in place. Thinking of the things you want your daughter/son to learn from you. This is parenting to me. You will see if not already that our kids are repeating and breathing so much what we say, how we act in general but extremely with them. If you shout at home, they will easily shout to their friends. But also as they do not understand all, they interpret with their own vision which is usually not 100% what you wanted them to understand.
Why parenting is so important?Parenting is key to have a fulfiling relationship with your kids and help them be the best version of themselves. I think we should not holding them in the scheme that we have received. First of all because they are not us and then because we interpret how we have been raised from an adult point of view today, which we all know is not the on we had as a child.
Dealing with authority or my story
Chapter 1 : Strict Mother
It has been very difficult to change my reactions when Emma was 2 and she was saying no to many of my demands, when she was crying for anything that was not going her way or simply when she was doing something I did not understand. I was going crazy and literally I have had very bad moments when I could not stand that she did not listen to me, i did not want to but I have shouted at her, I have hit the wall with my feasts so badly I hurt myself. I did not how to manage, I felt unaccepted, I felt unappreciated, I took her « no » as a failure in my education role. When she was crying if I did punish her, it was horrible, I could not understand she was scared not to be loved by me, I thought she was defying me and not accepting my rules!
Chapter 2 : Turning point
When you are doing something and you realized that it comes from a place of fear. Fear of not being listened, fear of missing out time, fear of being judged… I just had this flash moment with my daughter when I was complaining to her that she was not listening to me. I realized just at that instant that I was acting based on my own fear that she does not obey to me, I rewind and focus on loving her. And it makes a big difference.
I started to think of what I should do to show her my love instead of my fears, to communicate with her based of love, the love I want her to take from me, the love that I want her to be fulfilled with!
Chapter 3 : Open mother
I have fought very hard to be able to change, to find ways to be softer. So, I read books and listened to my heart that was telling me that I was not acting as I should. I wanted to be a loving mother that would hug and cuddle her baby no matter what was happening. Even if I am not there yet but I am happy about the progress. By reading a lot of self acceptance books, by focusing on what I want my daughter to be and feel, I managed to change my habits of over-reacting. I can now accept her « no » by discovering that she was not denying me but scared not be loved.
Lacking of self confidence myself, I want to do all that I can for her to avoid this. And for her to be full of self love, I need to show her and give her all the love I have for her and for myself.
Chapter 4 : Under construction
This is a journey, and I am working on it daily but I swear I am so proud of the progress I have made.
I am grateful for all the people that helped me on this path and especially for 2 women:
- Elena Brower : I have one day seen this video
She is talking about parenting and it changed a lot of things for me. I started to accept my past and my weaknesses, there was a light in the tunnel, I could change even in the moment, I could be a better mother.
- Melissa Ambrosini : Choose love over fear, repeating this mantra is a key to happiness. No other word, we should learn this at school!
I hope you can take some of my learnings through motherhood. Let me know if this post was useful to you.
∞ emlivelove ∞